And then... Wham. The past will resurface and punch me in the face. All of the sudden I am faced with all sorts of complicated emotions that I thought I had left in the past with my mistakes. Guilt. Sorrow. Anger. Pain. Hurt that was long buried rises up in my soul. I become overwhelmed with emotion and it reminds me of a cold hard truth.
I am broken. I am a sinner. I fall short of God's glory in every way possible. I will never be "good" enough. I will never make it through life without facing the sin that is in my nature. Oh, the Devil likes to let me dwell in that place regret, pain, hurt, and sorrow but it doesn't stop there.
I am set free. My sins, big or small, old or new, - they are forgiven by the Grace of God. By the blood of Christ I am forgiven. Though I was lost in that place of darkness tonight, I see the light of day. I see the truth. My God is real. My God is my resting place. My God never wants me to be stuck in the pain of my past. He has, time and time again, shown me his mercy and grace. I am glad for the sorrow I feel tonight. I am glad to be reminded that I can't do anything without my God. He bears my burdens and wipes my tears.
Yes. I am broken but I am blessed. Yes. I am mess but I am his beautiful mess. Yes. I can not handle everything in my life but my God already has it handled for me. My job, my only job, is to love him, trust him and follow him wherever he leads.